Originally published in the San Luis Obispo Tribune, Wednesday June 18, 2008, page A1

Sometime this summer, Terre Dunivant and Allyson Nakasone will have a small ceremony. They will say vows to one another, and they will be married — a second time.

The San Luis Obispo couple were married in 2004, when San Francisco fleetingly allowed gay couples to marry. Their marriage was involuntarily annulled months later. The decision to annul those marriages sparked the court case that allowed gay marriage to proceed in California.

But since 2004, they have been married, no matter what the courts said, Nakasone said.

“We’ve worn our rings the whole time,” she said.


Nakasone and Dunivant met in 1999, during Concerts on the Plaza in San Luis Obispo. When they started talking, it was uncanny, they said.

“We knew 50, 60, 70 people in common, but we never knew each other,” Dunivant said. “Within 20 minutes of meeting Allyson, I was in love.”

They moved to their San Luis Obispo home a year later and became domestic partners in 2001.

They maintain they are like any other couple. They own their own businesses. Both are ardent gardeners and environmentalists.

When they talk about their relationship, they lock eyes.

As Dunivant’s rheumatoid arthritis in her hands has worsened, Nakasone has been there, Dunivant said. Nakasone helps with the wax treatments and assists her when the pain is too much.

“That’s why people pair up,” Dunivant said, “because you can help each other.”

Why marriage?

For whatever reason, society sets up rituals such as marriage to mark passage from one stage of life to another, Dunivant said.

It made no sense to deny that ritual to gay couples, she said.

“A criminal in prison could get married and we couldn’t,” she said.

Although they have made a life with one another, there are legal differences. For example, Dunivant and Nakasone cannot have sole proprietorship of Dunivant’s business.

There is a list of legal benefits of marriage, such as owning businesses.

“That’s all we’re asking, it’s equal (rights),” she said. “It’s not being penalized because you fell in love with someone who is the same gender as you.”

Making vows

Their 2004 marriage was planned quickly after San Francisco decided to allow marriages between gay couples.

Dunivant had just had neck surgery, but her doctor said the trip would be all right. They gathered up friends and family and made the drive.

They got married at 9 a. m. March 5, 2004, at San Francisco City Hall.

It did not matter that their marriage was valid only in San Francisco County or that the courts later annulled it. It was done, and the couple held out faith things would change.

“When two people commit to one another, it’s a joyous occasion,” Dunivant said. “That’s what gay couples have to look forward to.”

When the couple goes to San Francisco again this summer, they’ll already have their license from San Luis Obispo County. This time, they will renew their vows and continue to hope for the future.